From the bluffs of Alton, in the true-blue state of Illinois.....
Bill has taken yet another Federal holiday off, so you get me filling in this morning. We hope you won't be upset! I've had the house to myself this weekend, but was out of town myself on Saturday, and was flat-out exhausted from my week yesterday. Thus, this C&J will not be up to my usual standard, but here it is anyway!
Doc's semi-last minute Cheers and Jeers begins below the fold, with news from around the nation, around the world, and up your alley! ("Up my alley?" Up yours!)
DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers. The use of the words JEERS and CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, pootie pics, lusty wenches, mattress references, whomps, moist, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community. Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.
NOTE: There is no note this week.
Doc's Bad Joke of the Week
(In the gray box so that you can avoid it and not miss anything else)
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’
‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke’
The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.
‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man.
‘Same,’ says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?
‘Well,’ says the man, ’several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie apeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’
‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. It’s brilliant!’
‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there,’ says the man.
The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the ostrich?’
The man sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.’
Cheers to our friend Alysabeth Clements, who got her picture in the paper--the Colorado Springs Gazette, no less, along with Lily Burana, author of the book I Love a Man in Uniform. The article discusses their transitions from the adult entertainment industry to being Army wives.
Jeers to some of the commenters on the above story. The more Beth (writing in the comments as "Sonnet") attempted to engage people in reasonable discussion, the more outraged the dissenters became! I guess we shouldn't be surprised--Colorado Springs has always been a conservative town, now even more so with all the Christian fundamentalist organizations based there--but the vitriol was something to see. Lily discusses it further here.
And now, a word from our sponsor:
Jeers to MTP host David Gregory. This exchange with Blast Off's Sinfonian about sums it up:
I asked (timestamped at 2:11), "Why is debating torture a 'crucial debate to have?' How exactly does it go beyond 'torture is illegal?' "
And here's the response I got from torture-apologist, Cheney-fellator Gregory:
[Sinfonian], because it is too easy to dismiss all these techniques as "torture." Were all the techniques torture? The debate to have is how do we treat our enemies in a new threat environment and can you defeat an enemy like this without compromising the values of the country?
And this is why Nancy and I go to Panera Bread on Sunday mornings, instead of watching MTP. It's better for my blood pressure in any case. Anyway, read Sinfonian's rant. He says it better than I could.
Cheers to the Brush College Animal Hospital in Decatur, Illinois, where I worked for three days last week. Aside from being friendly folks to their clients and to this relief veterinarian, they are kind-hearted towards cats; no less than 8 cats live there as clinic cats. One of them, Bobo, became my "personal assistant", watching over my lunch, my textbook, and computer terminal:
(You can see all the clinic cats on my Facebook album.)
Jeers to birth defects:
This little guy had such severely deformed femurs that he could not walk on his hind legs; in fact, the hind feet face the wrong way! Fortunately Flipper, as the shelter named him, got a permanent home almost right away, in a one-story building with a polished floor. He'll need it, at least until he is fully grown and can possibly be fitted for wheels.
On this Memorial Day, pause to remember:
On a much lighter note, today, May 25th, is also Towel Day, a day unofficially set aside to remember the life and work of Douglas Adams, author of The Hitch-hiker's Guide To the Galaxy. The organizers encourage everyone to carry a towel with you today--because you should never go through the galaxy without your towel.
Floor's open! What do you have to Cheer and Jeer about today?