From the top floor of the Alton Weekly Inquirer Action EyeWitness NewsCenter On Your Side, in the true-blue state of Illinois....
Our Top Story Today--Alton truly is a great place to raise a family:
The 50-year-old bartender, dressed like a Catholic high school girl in a tartan skirt and a tight T-shirt, tells us that the bar usually has a band, but tonight's act canceled last minute. When we cheekily ask how she plans to entertain us without live music, the woman lifts her shirt and responds: "Oh, I can think of a couple ways."
Eee-yup, and the bars this article mentions are literally a few blocks away from the AWIAEWNCOYS. If you've been wondering why there have been no AWIs these past few weeks....well, keep wondering! Let's go to press!
The......
Pork: the one you love. Maybe even orangeclouds115 can love! Missouri hog farmer Russ Kremer has been leading the charge away from factory pig farming and towards the older model of pig farming--actually letting the pigs have free range, feeding them non-hormone and non-antibiotic laced food, and having them give birth and raise young in generous-sized, straw-lined stalls. Among his contacts he counts Sarah Palin (who did not put lipstick on his pigs) and our future President, Barack Obama. Let's hope the Kremer way spreads, and soon.
Metaphorically speaking, this may be the best argument for gay marriage and foster parenting I've seen recently: In Harbin, a city in northern China, a pair of male penguins have been thrown out of the main penguin colony for stealing eggs. Responding to protests from the public, zookeepers gave the two males a pair of eggs from an inexperienced penguin mother, and the two males turned out to be the best parents of all the penguins in the colony. An unamed commenter in the story stated, "It wasn't fair to stop them becoming parents and keep them apart from all the other birds just because of the way nature has made them." One question: would this make Rick Warren's head explode?
An era ends in Alton: The last 27 employees of Owens-Illinois in our area will be transferred out next year when the company relocates its world headquarters to Ohio. The company began in 1873 as the Illinois Glass Company, headquartered in Alton, and as recently as 2003 employed 450 people at a machine parts plant which subsequently closed in 2006. No snark here, just sadness that one more bit of Alton history is soon to be lost.
On a slightly happier note, my state Senator is among those working on Blago's impeachment: William Haine, D-Alton, was named to a 9-member Illinois state Senate committee to help set up rules for impeachment of Gov. Rod "Goodhair of the North" Blagojevich. According to the Alton Telegraph article,
.....the panel is charged with establishing trial rules and procedures for a possible impeachment of Blagojevich.
At present another committee in the Illinois House is considering impeachment. Articles would have to be voted out of the House before the Senate could begin an impeachment trial. Maybe by then Blago will actually talk to the media!
Best response to the shoe-throwing at Shrub is from ArchPundit, who said:
Sign that man to the a player development contract with the Bears. That kind of poise in the pocket is pretty impressive on the second throw.
Well, Kyle Orton hasn't been bad this season, but considering da Bearsss' long history as a graveyard for quarterbacks, Muntadar al-Zaidi might choose to stay in Iraq instead. (Aside: how would Chris Berman come up with a nickname for him if he did QB da Bearsss?)
Here's one more reason why Congress should have gotten FISA right: In a thread on Dolittler about wacky questions called into veterinary clinics, there was this gem:
OK now, one more example from the trenches: The woman who called to make an appointment to have her shelter dog's microchip surgically removed. She was convinced the government was listening in on her conversations.
Emphasis mine. Lately I've been asked if the microchips we implant can also act as GPS devices, i.e., can we track their lost pets via satellite? Sadly, no. (BTW, the whole thread is worth a read.)
This week's Floyd R. Turbo Award: For sheer dumbassery of predictive powers, so much so that it makes William Kristol look prescient, we have this missive from frequent Belleville News-Republican Democrat offender Chapo Jones:
Rumors of the day, but who knows? Given today's political climate, almost anything is possible.
• When President-elect Obama takes the oath of office his middle name, Hussein, will not be mentioned, nor will it ever be mentioned by the media again.
• Recently the AP released an article that mentioned "Obama releases drug aid funding." And I always thought only the president could do that.
• Oliver Stone will make a movie called "H." Everyone in Hollywood is chomping at the bit to be in it.
• "Saturday Night Live" will have Vice President Biden on twice a month for a news conference.
• Obama will move our nation's capital to Chicago. Gov. Rod Blagojevich will move the state capital to Chicago so he can be closer to the president and Emil Jones.
• The Federal Reserve will pay off Hillary Clinton's huge campaign debts. Chairman Ben Bernanke will get a signed photo of Hillary as his reward.
• On Feb. 1 a bill will be passed and signed by Obama that will authorize a fast lane in all interstates for illegal immigrants. Also, signs will be posted at all U.S. borders, "Illegal immigrants welcome."
Chapo Jones
Swansea
I still say our bud Chapo (is it really Chapeaux?) is trying to repress his inner Frenchman. Where to start? 1) Obama is using his full name in the oath, per custom; 2) AP botched the headline--it was the Bush Administration that relased the money--but with Shrub mailing it in these days, I can see the AP's mistake; 3) the public will only come out to see the picture if Stone titles it "Preparation H" and has Daniel Craig and Jennifer Lopez in the lead roles; 4) Biden would be great on SNL, but I expect he'll do his legit pressers the usual way; 5) no, Blago is going to move the capitol to Joliet, not Chicago, at the rate he's going; 5) Tphhhhht; 6) OK, now my eyes are sore from all the eye-rolling.
Your moment of Inky:
Bonus baby Inky sighting--from I Can Has Cheezburger:
What's the News in your world this week?