The Alton Weekly Inquirer! 06-27-08

From the top floor of the Alton Weekly Inquirer Action EyeWitness NewsCenter On Your Side, in the true-blue state of Illinois....

Our top story today--for a minute there, they had me going:  As noted on Countdown's Best Persons in the World segment on Tuesday night, an Alton inmate attempting to escape from jail crashed through the ceiling of the police chief's vacant office.  The inmates were spotted on police surveillance video and quickly recaptured.

Thankfully, this was Alton, Texas, not my fair city.  Hopefully the criminals here are smarter--but just by a little bit.  Let's go to press!

The......

Chain Gang Charlie Veepstakes Watch:  The gay straight Governor of Florida (is it any coincidence that Blast Off! calls the state "America's Wang"?) did his first field trip as a surrogate campaigner for Huggy Bear McCain, to give a speech in very Repub-friendly Orange County, California.  How did he do?  Well.....

"By showing unequivocally he would be a complete disaster for the GOP — the worst running mate since Dan Quayle," Orange County Register columnist Frank Mickadeit wrote in a column headlined "We know who McCain shouldn't pick."

"Mr. Crist looks great: ... silver hair, warm smile, great tan, perfectly tailored suit of clothes, decent teeth. It's when he uses his facial musculature to try and form cogent sound that he falls apart."

Even Townhall says it's a bad idea to put Crist on the ticket.  It would be best to leave him in Florida so that their D's can squash him in 2010.  (via Florida Politics)

Florida Politics responds to reports of a "Republican Machine" that will sweep Huggy Bear to victory:  In response to Florida McCain campaign chair Arlene DiBenigno's touting of their Florida ground game, Florida Politics responds:

How many Young Republicans driving daddy's Beemer and screaming about inheritance taxes does it take to make a political "machine"?

Hey Arlene, if you have to keep calling it a "machine", it ain't.

Actually, a "machine" is fine with me.  Pin down McCain's troops in Florida, and that opens up a lot of other swing states that Obama can win.  It's all good.

On a related note, Jim Inhofe is getting even more of a pass than St. John Huggy Bear:  Taking a lead from the hyperconservative fishwrap The Daily Oklahoman, the senior Senator from Oklahoma has been given essentially a free ride in local coverage, because of their refusal to do in-depth coverage of Inhofe's more outrageous pronouncements and general-purpose stupidity.  On the plus side, only 39% of Oklahomans stated they would re-elect Inhofe.  (via Okie Funk)

Page Six!

We lead with actor Kevin Spacey.  He was most recently seen portraying Al Gore's former chief of staff in Recount,  and won an Academy Award for his work in the film American Beauty.  

For equal time, we present actor Sela Ward:

Her best-known work has been in television, including the series Once and Again and House.  The Meridian, Mississippi native also helped build a shelter for neglected and abused foster children in her hometown.  

Good Heavens, I hate the Belleville News-Republican Democrat's editorial cartoonist, Glenn McCoy:  Here's one more reason why, though I will admit his characterization of Antonin Scalia fits him to a T.

Speaking of the Belleville News-Democrat, enlightenment strikes in their LTE section, but they seem embarrassed by it:  As a lead-in to this week's Floyd R. Turbo award, Thursday's paper (June 26, 2008), which I read in the library yesterday, had some remarkable letters published excoriating conservative stances on torture and energy policy, among other things, with one letter stating emphatically, "never vote Republican."  I was going to post some of them, but the online edition of the BND has no link to the June 26th letters!  Check it out--they skip from June 25 to June 27th.  Today's LTEs revert to the usual nonsense.  I guess they were afraid Ron Sutterfield's head would explode.

This week's Floyd R. Turbo Award:  This lengthy letter excerpted below, by Dan Boltenstab of Bethalto, Illinois, was published in the Tuesday edition of the Alton Telegraph.  To fully appreciate it, you really need to read the whole thing--but I warn you, your favorite headache remedy may be required before you finish.

It starts off promisingly enough:

Empirical facts are based on observation and experimentation, not a belief and/or application of logic. The hard evidence of empirical fact is the foundation of science, and distinguishes it from religion in the broadest sense. Religion is based on statements accepted on faith. This distinction does not prevent a man of science from being religious. It does identify scientific fraud, especially passing off religion as science. Fraud cannot tolerate a call for the hard evidence of empirical fact.

A takedown of intelligent design about to ensue?  As they say, sadly, no:

No empirical fact exists supporting Darwin's religion. The fossil record shows no adaptation from one species to another. Evolution must be accepted on faith. It is only an origin fable of a few religions.

Science is religion!  Religion is science!  Holy crap, give this man a job in the Bush administration!  Oh, and don't miss his equating the Alton School Board with the Nazis tried at Nurenburg.  At least the Creation Museum can count on one more visitor sometime in the future.

Your moment of Cairo (the pootie, not the capital of Egypt):

The big damn cat himself (18.5 lbs!) loves his morning lap time.....

What's the news in your world this week?