The Alton Weekly Inquirer! 06-13-08
Fri Jun 13, 2008 at 06:29:44 AM PDT
The Alton Weekly Inquirer! News from around the nation, around the world, and up your alley! ("Up my alley?" Up YOURS!)
Brock Olivo: Pure. Comedy. Gold: Our favorite very possibly dumb ex-jock running for the MO-9 Republican nomination has released a brochure:
Funny how over half of his achievements were on the football field! But his Creative Writing major is perfect for an aspiring Republican such as himself--now he can exxagerate, smear, and lie with the aplomb only an English major can muster. Oh, and breathe easy, Scott Kleeb--the social studies graduate is well below your league.
Page Six!
Many people wrote me to ask that the equal time beefcake appear on Page Six directly instead of forcing them to expend the 1-2 calories required to click a link. I'll do one better: I'll lead with the equal-time beefcake this week!
Who knew that Adrien Brody had abs like that? He was brilliant in The Pianist, for which he won an Academy Award for best actor. After taking the stage to accept his award, he fulfilled the fantasies of perhaps 500 million men or so worldwide when he liplocked this woman:
Halle Berry, who illustrates what happens when one hits the Pick Six in the gene pool. She's also backed up her good looks with great performances, particularly in Monster's Ball and Introducing Dorothy Dandridge.
Florida Republican shows conscience. In other news, man falls off chair: The Republican Party of Florida is already running attack ads against incumbent Democratic state Senator Dave Aronberg. The ads are so misleading that a prominent Republican in the district--a car dealer, no less (listening, Vern Buchanan?) had this to say:
"I'm not proud of the misleading ad the Republican Party is doing. I'm ashamed ... and I'm disgusted to see political hacks producing an ad that attacks our Dave. It's wrong. It's immoral. This ad spreads mistrust in an attempt to turn us against each other."
Maybe we should buy a used car from that man. Obamacan, anyone?
Your liberal European media at work: On his new blog The Edge of Europe, Rob Van Kan reports on a photograph recently run in the respected Dutch newspaper De Volkskrant with the following caption (translated from Dutch by Mr. Van Kan:)
In Hanoi today a monument was revealed on the spot where Republican Presidential candidate John McCain was taken prisoner during the Vietnam War.
Except that there are photographs of St. McCain himself in front of this monument dating from the year 2000, discovered in about 5 minutes in a Google search. Great job by whoever did it at De Volkskrant; a brillaint future awaits them at The Washington Post.
The new Miss Oklahoma knows how to play to her audience: Oklahoma City University student Kelsey Cartwright won the title of Miss Oklahoma, and will move on to the Miss America pageant. As reported in the Okiedoke blog, Ms. Cartwright's preparations for the Miss Oklahoma pageant included the following:
"A lot of calf raises and Fox News watching."
Ewwww. I hope she doesn't internalize the Faux. That's way too pretty a head to filled up with that cheese. Note to Ms. Cartwright: we do not need a replacement for a prior Miss Oklahoma of infamy, Anita Bryant--another Kristen Chenoweth, who was also an OCU graduate, would be more like it.
This week's Floyd R. Turbo award: Here's something a bit different this week--a letter writer on our side of the political fence. He describes a sure-fire FRTA winner, as published in the Belleville News-Republican Democrat:
A funny thing happened at my yard sale a few weeks ago. As my family and I were quietly discussing the upcoming presidential election, a customer interrupted and loudly asked, "So, are you an Obama supporter?" I replied, "Yes, ma'am." I was soon to learn that this was not the correct answer.
As I calmly tried to answer this person and her husband's angry questions about Barack Obama, I discovered it wasn't policy answers they really wanted, but instead a target on which to release their hatred. As the overall-clad man angrily and loudly attempted to "educate" me on the evils of communism, socialism, the Democratic Party and the Nazis (who unbeknownst to me were a liberal, left-wing group), my 4-year-old daughter started to cry. It was as that point I ordered them off my property.
It's a shame that Rush Limbaugh-style ridicule and shouting is all the Republicans have left. Come November, average Americans from all walks of life will finally put an end to the Republicans' petty bullying and bigotry and get this country back on track. We're a movement that won't be shouted down.
W. Scott Kuhnert
Waterloo
This letter should make the Doughy Pantload happy, at least; the moron at the yard sale sounds like he read his minimum opus, Liberal Fascism. Glad to have Scott in the trenches with us--and bravo to him for standing up to the yard sale idiot, who, unnamed, wins this week's FRTA.
Your moment of Mocha:
Oh hai. Bllyrub plz thx
What's the news in your world this week?
