The Alton Weekly Inquirer! 04-25-08

From the top floor of the Alton Weekly Inquirer Action EyeWitness NewsCenter On Your Side, in the true-blue state of Illinois....

Our Top Story Today: Credit Crunch Hits Bank Execs Where It Feels Good:  

Deutsche Bank, Germany's largest, has been hit by the global credit crunch so badly that it has issued a memorandum to senior executives telling them that brothel visits and adult channels in hotel rooms cannot be claimed on expenses.[...]

It says the directive was aimed at 800 workers in the bank's communications and social responsibility department, but variations have been sent to all workers.

Fascist bastards!

Let's go to press!

The Alton Weekly Inquirer!  News from around the nation, around the world, and up your alley!  ("Up my alley?"  Up YOURS!)

The Riverbend area, where the phrase, "what's shakin'?" takes on a whole new meaning:

Yet another reason why moving out of Florida may not have been such a bad thing:  Gov. Charlie Crist signed into law a bill that would allow concealed weapons-permit holders to keep their guns in their cars at work.  Earlier the Republican-dominated Lege, in an abject pander to the NRA, made the list of concealed weapons permit holders secret.  You know, I can't see this ending well, as crazy as Florida is, and is becoming.  (Yeffirs, the bill was so bad, even the conservative Tampa Tribune noticed.)

Also from the Florida Legislature, more of what Florida Politics calls "raw political courage:"  In the midst of the state's budget crisis, insurance crisis, environmental crisis, and (insert name here) crisis, the brave state Sen. Corey Baker (R, of course-Eustis) has introduced a bill to ban....wait for it.....Truck Nuts:

Baker actually wants a $60 fine for drivers who, ahem, expose their ornaments. And he doesn't seem to mind that cops — and lawmakers, for that matter — really don't need to be spending time on something this ludicrous.

I'm sure this fine piece of legislation will get, ah, emasculated in committee.

Some send the Commission a copy of John Edwards' book.  Obviously they haven't read it:  The Florida Building Commission, which has been likened to a whorehouse more than once, caved in to the pool and spa building industry by dropping the requirement that residential pools be built with automatic anti-entrapment devices to release people that might get caught in pool drains.  This puts the Florida standards, which once led the nation, well behind international and even current federal standards for pool construction.  All this to save a few bucks.  Assholes.

Ballpark Village is kaput for this year--but never underestimate the ingenuity of St. Louisans:  When the new Busch Stadium was completed in 2006, the St. Louis Cardinals and the mayor of St. Louis, Francis Slay, promised to develop the immediately adjacent site of the old Busch Stadium into a mixed retail/residential/office complex, with construction to start in 2007.  As of this year, the start of construction has been delayed again, leaving a sandy lot and a retaining pond next to the new stadium.  An enterprising former member of the St. Louis school board, Dr. John Mahoney, has started a name-the-pit contest, to benefit Save Our Children's Education, according to the Riverfront Times.  Some of the names submitted so far:

Slay's Bait and Switch

Pujols' Poop Pit

Franny's Fish and Swim Club

Let's hope somebody gets their act together on this soon.

You know how some of the megachurches here often title themselves as a "family church?"  I have a feeling church socials in this part of blighty old England are going to rock the house! In Wales, a small church is applying for a liquor license, according to this BBC Report:

The Reverend Geraint ap Iorwerth could be made licensee of St Peter ad Vincula Church in Pennal, near Machynlleth, close to the Powys-Gwynedd border.

He joked that there were plans to serve more than just spirits, though, with lager and wine on the menu too.

Non-Welsh eyes might need the adult beverages, just to ease the headache from reading the unfamiliar Welsh names.  Quick, airdrop some vowels!  Stat!

Ward Connerly starts initiative to end race preferences in Missouri state hiring.  Hilarity ensues:  As reported by Fired Up! Missouri, Californian Ward Connerly is attempting to place an initiative on the November ballot to essentially end affirmative action in Missouri.  To gather the signatures required, he has assembling a cast of rather unsavory characters, including a man wanted in three states for voter fraud, along with up to 50 members of the vigilante border-watching group, the San Diego Minutemen for what Connerly calls a "paid vacation".  The good news is that the effort appears to not be succeeding.

From the university that brought us Brock Olivo: the Kenneth L. Lay Chair in Economics!  Back in 2000, the University of Missouri recieved a $2 million donation from alumnus and Enron founder Ken "Kenny Boy" Lay for an endowed professorship in economics.  The school left the chair vacant, amidst controversy over the tainted money, but has now finally named a professor.  According to Fired Up! Missouri, the new professor, Joeseph Haslag, is a protege' of school voucher advocate and anti-public school billionaire Rex Sinquefeld, so at least the tainted apple has an appropriate worm to live inside.  

This week's Floyd R. Turbo award:  It's a quick hit, from the Sound-off section of the Alton Telegraph.  This bit of lunacy, like all entries into Sound-Off, was anonymously called in:

We spend $11 billion a year in America on bottled water. How bad can the economy be?

Because maybe some of those bottled water buyers have to buy it because their tap water is unsafe.  But thanks for calling, Sen. McCain.

Your moment of Inky:

What's the news in your world this week?